Loy Krathong and Yee Peng 2013

These are from this year's celebration of Loy Krathong. I went to the huge lantern send off on Saturday where about 20,000 people celebrated together and sent off lanterns at the same time (well, some people were too impatient and sent them early, but most people sent them together). My camera died, so I didn't get many pictures of that, but Seal and I met up with some of the kids on Monday for the parade and to do some Kom Loi and banana leaf Krathongs. There is more to the story below if you are interested to read. 

I have been enjoying Loy Krathong/Yee Peng and saw the lanterns on Saturday and went to see the parade and do krathongs with the kids and with Seal, another of our Thai staff. But, can you tell me why people have to suck and ruin things when everyone just wants to have a good time?

So, tonight, Seal and I walked down the street to where the families of most of our kids had their booths selling things, and were just chatting with them and the kids and watching the parade, when out of nowhere this white guy from Sweden who had been watching us, comes up and asks where I am from. I say the US, and he's like "Do you like it better here?" so I'm like "sure!" and then he totally goes off about why do all Americans have to come change everyone's religion? So, i"m like "whoa, dude, I don't want to get into a theological discussion with you, I'm just here to watch the parade and enjoy myself."

But, he won't let it go, he starts saying how he has lived with Akha people for 20 years and they are all dumb and uneducated so all these Americans are paying them to change religions. Meanwhile, all the parents and Seal are like "what is he saying? What is he saying?" so I'm trying to translate, and they are like "What? no, it's not about money, it's about your heart." So, I translate that for the guy and say that maybe 50 years ago that was true that people paid Akha people to convert, but not anymore, and he says "oh, I just saw it today," pointing at one of our families who is Christian and has been for years and I see at Akha church every week.

So, I'm just like "whatever, buddy, I don't want to fight with you, I just want to watch the parade," and try to walk away. But, HE FOLLOWS ME and now, he's yelling in the street "F*** Americans! F*** Americans! You are all F***ing horrible people" so finally, I go "Hey, man, this here is my family" but before I can either punch him or give him a piece of my mind, all the parents are stepping between us and saying "don't talk to him, don't listen to him, just go with the kids to the bridge" and Seal is dragging me away because, I don't know, I guess they thought he was gonna like attack me or vice versa.

I hate when stuff like that happens, it really rattles me, because in the moment I am so stunned that someone would tallk that way to a perfect stranger in the middle of a crowd of people and simultaneously want to have a well thought out argument to shut him up and at the same time want to punch him for offending me and the people I love. It's so infuriating! Later I thought, I should have just said "don't worry about it man, there have been missionaries here for 100 years and they've only converted 2% of the population, so your indignation is unwarranted." Oy.  What do you do in those situations (assuming you have been in them).

The evening was redeemed by going to do Khom Loi with about 10 of our kids and then floating Krathongs on the river (after reminding the kids about how Baby Moses was floated on the river and having them say a prayer before we lit them and floated them) and finally taking everyone for a ride in the ferris wheel, during which it started to downpour, so we walked home in the drenching, blinding rain. That part was less fun.

Photo update: Doi Chang and Fang

These are from my trip to the mountains during our week off. Sophie had to study for mid-terms so couldn't come. 

Prepping veggies for dinner: mom and daughter

Me helping with the veggies

The men cleaning and preparing the pig they just killed

Me with Wa in Doi Chang village

The view outside the bedroom window of Wa's aunt

Gan, Wa, P'Beauw and I hanging on for dear life in the bed of a pickup truck going up a hill with a 60 degree incline

P'Beauw on top of the mountain that is her family's land

Picking beans

Hiking up the side of a mountain

P'Beauw's sister ready to pick veggies

Traditional Akha jacket. Handmade including the loom woven fabric. Made by P'Beauw's mom over 50 years ago.

Wa's family and I at the top of Doi Chang

Doi Chang village

Cousins and grandma preparing dinner

Three generations: P'Beauw's mom, P'Beauw, Wa and Pat

ECHO: my friend Ruth's organization that she helped create infrastructure for. I finally got to see it a week after she moved back to Canada. :(

Neuy and I on our way back from ECHO. Had to take a pic cause the clouds were so amazing.

At the Royal Botanic Gardens in Mae Fah Luang

Lady's slipper orchid. They have hundreds of different colors. These are named after the Queen Mother.

Fountain!

Queen's Gardens

Rock Garden

Orchids

The temple in Neuy's neighborhood in Fang

Photo update:

New puppies: Bear and Jem

Face painting in the park

Faith and Hans doing artwork

King's Kids camp worship time

Friends :) 

Guitar lesson from Elise

Books donated by a church in South Dakota

Doi Suthep with Joy and Neuy

Jem looking plaintive

Huge bamboo trees

Chiang Mai view after the rain

Bhuping Palace gardens

Recentering (Is that a Word?)

Hey, check out the thermometer on the right: 96%! Very exciting progress. If you would like to help us reach 100%, please click here: http://www.covchurchgiving.com/p-446-missionary-heather-askew.aspx

May 20, 2013

OK, not gonna lie, the past few months have been pretty intense. I just read a post by someone who refers to herself as the “worst missionary ever” and it was about transparency in missions. So, I was thinking that I would write a bit about what has been happening in our lives. Working in ministry is not all fun and games and changing the world. Sometimes, it’s just downright hard and exhausting. March and April were packed with great events and a team from my church coming, which was awesome, but I think for me the most significant thing about that time is that I was starting to feel so overworked and stretched so thin that I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Trying to juggle working with two ministries, plus parenting a teenager as a single parent meant that I was working constantly, taking almost no time for myself and basically spending no time with God at all. This is a recipe for disaster, in case you were thinking of giving it a try. The result of this was that I was not doing anything well, not parenting well, not teaching well, not sleeping well, not eating well, just not treating myself or anyone else well. I think that because I have a tendency to be a workaholic and because I feel this massive responsibility to ensure that my supporters are “getting their money’s worth” I push myself to take on everything that anyone asks of me, to the detriment of all projects.

Basically, it all came to a head when my pastor, Pastor Doug, took me to dinner and just said, point blank, “You. Are. A. Mess. What are you going to do to fix that?” I finally realized that while I was used to working 14-18 hour days, 6 days a week in film, that was usually for a maximum of 3 months and then I would get a long break, at least 2 weeks, sometimes up to 6 weeks to recuperate and reset myself physically and mentally before jumping back into the crazy schedule. I finally understand that that is unsustainable in the long term, especially being a parent now. Even though parenting is part of everyday life in the US, any adoptive parent of older internationally adopted children will tell you that it is most definitely hard work, full of unexpected challenges that can blindside you at times. Which brings me to my next topic: Sophie.

In April, we spent a great week in Bangkok for Sophie’s birthday and we had a nice relaxing time at our Covenant Thailand Mission retreat, but May is and has been a particularly hard time for her. This is the month that marks the anniversary of her parents’ deaths and I think that now it has been a couple years, it’s becoming more real to her. Add to that the fact that she is now 16 and has all the frustrations of any other 16 year old, and the fact that we are from different cultures, and situations can easily spiral out of control. I have been making more of an effort to research parenting strategies for teens and adopted teens, cross cultural communication, and reading forums for adoptive parents with other stories and advice, as well as spending time with a counselor brainstorming ideas for how to improve the relationship between Sophie and myself. I think I have a better handle on how I can respond to Sophie’s moods and developing adulthood in the future.

My first steps in stopping the downward spiral into insanity have been to cease going to teach in Mae Taeng twice a week. While I enjoyed spending time with the ladies there and developing relationships, it just takes so much time and is so far away (a little over an hour drive in a car each direction). Thankfully, Jeanne, another Covenant missionary, is still available to continue teaching, so the workers will still have the opportunity to work on and develop their English skills.

Second, we have a new addition to our leadership team at Taw Saeng: Bootsaba! She is wonderful with the kids and such a great addition to our team. Best of all, she has a degree in Evangelism and Bible teaching, so she is able to take over for Ahna and I in teaching Bible to the kids. That means that Thursdays are all Thai, all day. So, I am going to be taking those days off and spend time with God, spend time developing relationships with my Thai friends who I have not gotten to see in the past few months, and taking time to rest. We now have enough staff to be able to offer this option to everyone on our team. Everyone will have the chance to take a day off or leave early one day a week, which I think will be good for morale.

This additional time will allow me to prep for Taw Saeng classes in the mornings while Sophie is at school and free me up to spend more time with her in the evenings, helping with homework, or just hanging out and watching TV together. I am sorry I have been neglecting this little corner of the internet, but hope that my lightened schedule will change that as well. Thank you for all of your support and prayers and patience as we continue through this difficult time of adolescence.  My goal is to write a more upbeat recap of the past couple months at some point this week.

February: A Review

Hooray! The chart to your left shows that we are at 94% of our fundraising goal for two years. If you would like to make it 95% just click here to donate: http://www.covchurchgiving.com/p-446-missionary-heather-askew.aspx

March 10, 2013

So, despite my best efforts, it appears as if blog updates will continue to only occur once a month. Sorry about that, but life gets so busy and days are so exhausting that it is hard for me to shift into writing mode rather than just collapsing on the couch at the end of the day. In February, Taw Saeng had some very exciting things happen: we moved, we had a sports day for the kids and we had a huge grand opening celebration. Sophie and I had a month of practicing her English reading and comprehension (which is basically a reenactment of D-Day every time I pull out the English books; Sophie is NOT a fan of learning to read a foreign language) she did her finals and I finished the paperwork to get her into the new school. Nothing else has happened on the citizenship front, but we are planning to go to Mae Fah Luang this week or next.  

Moving

Moving was basically uneventful. We got 90% of our stuff moved all in one day, thanks to a lot of friends showing up to help out. Then, we spent a full week organizing and decorating in preparation for the kids coming on the 19^th of February. They were so excited to be in the new space, that it only took 4 days for them to break something. Luckily, it was just a doorjamb, easy fix, but they are fond of fighting over opening and closing the sliding glass doors, so it’s only a matter of time til one of them shatters, I’m sure. Oy vey.

Sport Day

We had planned to do a sport day last year, but it never  materialized, so when Randy Bevis suggested we do a sport day at his camp up in Mae Taeng, we jumped at the chance and started planning immediately. Previously, we did a sport camp for just the older kids, but we thought it would be fun for all the kids to have a day together. Each staff member came up with some games and we talked about what would be the most fun for the kids. We had P’Bua make fried chicken and sticky rice and get fruit for lunch and organized with Randy to pick us up and drive us up to the camp about an hour away. No vomiting accidents on the way, but plenty of carsick kids when we arrived.

We played all the games and everyone had a great time, despite the fact that they claimed it was not fun because they were tired from running around. During lunch break, we were really close to where Sophie’s parents are buried, so Randy ran us out to the cemetery and we put some flowers on the graves. She is really blasé about the whole thing, didn’t even want to pray while we were there. “I already did in my heart. Flowers is enough, let’s go,” she said. Not sure whether this is normal or emotional repression.

We came back and were getting some more food while most of the kids were playing on the field. Amelie was playing around with our new staff member Nuey and she was like “Help! Ajarn Noo!” Ajarn means respected teacher or professor, and usually they call college profs or pastors or school principals this word. Sophie asked “who are you calling ‘ajarn’?” and Amelie said “P’Heather! She is the one who protects us all!” That was definitely an “awwwww” moment and made me feel happy that she thought that. I guess it is pretty true that I spend half my time defending one kid from another or protecting them from the wrath of another teacher, hahah.

After lunch, we played water games so we could cool off a bit and had a bit water balloon fight as well. The kids were hot and exhausted, and Randy had mentioned that if they wanted to, we could go to the river to swim in the afternoon. They overheard me say this in English and the older kids immediately took off to tell the little ones we were going swimming. They packed up and piled into the cars and off we went. When we got to the river, it was flowing pretty fast, so we had the kids buddy up and the little ones stay close to the shore. They were all in, jumping in fully clothed, but the adults tried to stay close to shore and avoid getting wet. Until some random stranger came up and just doused me from head to toe, then I was soaked for the rest of the day. Glad my camera and phone were in Sophie’s bag and not my pockets! Pretty much everyone fell asleep on the ride home, but one little girl lost her cookies in the back of the truck, so we had to stop to clean that up and then continue on. All in all, a fun but tiring day for kids and adults! Another year should be enough time to recover. 

Grand Opening

The day of the grand opening started with all of us running around getting things ready and organized for our big celebration. We all started about 8:30am picking flowers and dresses up, organizing at the center, cleaning, decorating, printing pictures and generally doing ten things at once. We were anticipating about 100 people to come for the opening and were worried we did not have enough space for them all, or enough food. In the end, only about 50 people came, so it all worked out wonderfully. Sophie did a Northern Thai dance in the new dress material I bought that day, and four of our younger girls did a dance together: Willow, Miriam, Amelie and Yvonne. Sadly, for them, the music cut out halfway through their performance due to the sporadic internet connection through youtube. They were relieved though, as they thought they were not doing very well. I disagree and think they did a beautiful job! Sophie was perfectly poised and lovely in her dance and with her fancy makeup looked so grown up.

We had a pastor from Orawan’s church come speak, do the ribbon cutting ceremony  and give a blessing to our new building. Ahna, Seal and I (with special guest Aaron, Ahna’s boyfriend) played three worship songs that the kids and all our guests sang along with. I tell you, when the kids start singing in their sweet voices and not like it’s a competition of who can scream the lyrics the loudest, it sounds so nice and just gives me chills to hear them praising God with all their hearts. Even though most of their families are Buddhist, I can’t help but think it has an impact on them as well, singing to God about His love for us.

After the ceremony and dances, we let people tour the building at their leisure, get food and get family photos taken. We did almost all the families and every kid that came got their individual picture taken so we can put new pics on the wall. The ones we have now are 2 years old already! It was a great opportunity to get the kids dressed up and have some sweet smiles for the new pictures. After that was all done, the staff finally got to eat! We had delicious food prepared by our wonderful cook, P’Bua. Stir fried veggies, chicken in red curry sauce and chocolate cake made by P’Angkhana.

Bible Stories

For the past few months, Ahna and I have been teaching Bible to the little kids and every week there is something new that cracks me up or impresses me with the depth of their understanding.

-We were playing pictionary and teaching about how God is with us when we are scared. The idea was to draw times when we might be scared and one girl got “when you take a test at school.” The kids kept forgetting the subject so were calling out things like “paper! Desk! Teacher! Pencil!” and we kept reminding them “it’s something you may be scared of.” Just then the artists starts drawing a flag to show that it is school and our littlest boy, Pip, bursts out “I KNOW! I KNOW! IT’S THAILAND! THAILAND!” and Ahna and I just burst out laughing. We are like, “Nong Pip, you’re scared of Thailand? Why? You were born here!” He realized his mistake and started cracking up too.

- Another time we were teaching that God is with us wherever we go, and Yim starts asking, with a horrified realization, “Wait, if God is with us everywhere, does that mean He is in the bathroom with us?” She pauses and says “Well, I guess it’s ok, cause He made our bodies…..but He still closes His eyes, right?” Oh, the deep questions we have to deal with now.

-Last month, the former women’s prison started giving tours to classrooms and the public because they moved the prison to a new location outside the city and are going to tear down the old building. Sophie went twice, once with her social studies class and once with her band. She was totally freaked out because the tour guide kept telling them about all these evil spirits haunting the place. She was asking me a lot about them and telling me how in some spots it was really cold even though it was a really hot day. Later that week, one of the girls in our class went and a spirit actually followed her home. In this country where so many people give power to spirits and spend their lives appeasing them by giving them money and food offerings and inviting them into their families, this is a real occurrence. This girl’s family is Buddhist and after the visit to the prison, the little girl started speaking in a strange voice, seeing things and having vivid nightmares. Her mom kept taking her to the Buddhist priests but it wasn’t doing anything. Her mom brought her in one day after she hadn’t come for a few days and we talked to them about how Jesus’ name has power over the spirits. We told her that Taw Saeng was a safe place and spirits were not allowed in, but she said she could still see them, even there. We asked if we could pray for her and her mom said it was fine, so we did. We told her that if she sees or hears spirits, she needs to tell them to go away in Jesus’ name and they have to listen to her. She said ok, but she wanted to stay with her mom and start to come again on Friday. The week we taught about God being with us everywhere, we told the kids to draw a picture of somewhere that God is with us, and her picture was of people in jail cells crying, but God was above them to comfort them. Who knew that our little Bible classes would become art therapy for a traumatized 7 year old?

-During our most recent class, we got a very complex, deep question from Penny: “I have a question: how can Jesus be with all of us, in all our hearts, all at the same time?” Felicity was just as interested in the answer to this question. Wow, how to explain omnipresence to an 8-year-old, even a pretty smart 8-year-old? Out came Google translate and in my very lacking Thai, I tried to explain what it meant. It seemed to satisfy them and the rest of the kids were more concerned with what craft we were doing than the theological conversation, so there’s that hurdle jumped for the time being. Faith is a tough thing to explain to an adult, but I think little kids have an inherent understanding of it.

Other news:

Felicity’s baby brother was born and his name is Bible because his parents want him to be close to God. I think that’s a pretty cool name. :)

Citizenship Update

As you know from my last update, I was not able to file for adoption of Sophie in Bangkok. After meeting with some new lawyers (yay!), they explained that the reason was she doesn't have citizenship AND the US would not give me the guarantee of citizenship upon adoption. If she had either of those, I could adopt her in Thailand and get her a visa to travel to the US.

What does lack of citizenship mean? Imagine a life where you were not allowed to leave your state without written permission from your state capitol. Imagine not being able to own any property, not a car, not a house. Imagine not even having the option of getting health insurance. Imagine being denied the opportunity of studying at university, having a professional job or even applying for a passport. Is this the future you would want for your child? For so many children in Thailand, this is their reality. Most of these children have no one to fight for them. Sophie is lucky in that she has me to be her advocate for a brighter future.

Our adoption lawyer does not specialize in gaining citizenship rights for children like Sophie, (and if you have been following the story, my trust in him at this point is non-existent) so a friend connected me with a different law firm who have experience in this type of law. They are confident that they can achieve citizenship for Sophie, but think it will take two years. If you think that sounds like a long time, consider the fact that International Justice Mission estimated about 10 years, and their advice was "pray for the laws to change." This law firm will charge about $1100 for the law fee, and we will be expected to cover the cost of travel expenses to her home state, potential court filing fees and any other costs that may come up. The grand total will probably be around $2500 when all is said and done. Not too high a price when you consider it is giving a whole new future to a child who would otherwise have none.

The law firm would like to start working on Sophie's case immediately, and would require half their fee up front, the rest when citizenship is finalized.
If you would like to donate toward Sophie's citizenship, you can do so via the DONATE link to the right. Please be aware this is not tax-deductible.

January 2013: Success and Failure

Notice the chart to your right. It's not your imagination, it's less than last month. No, people did not ask for refunds, but I have decided after dealing with the Thai public school system for a year and a half that Sophie needs to be in a private school to improve her English to a level where she can attend school in the US, should we be able to get her papers in time. Also, I am not a fan of the fact that they beat the kids (she and the rest of the class got ten lashes with a thick wooden stick last week because three boys in her class were late. This was the 3rd time that happened this year.). I also want her to be somewhere that they are more concerned with the students than with making teachers look good. (Public schools here fail 98% of the kids at mid-terms and then everyone gets Bs and As for final grades so it looks like the teachers got the kids to improve a ton. Shockingly, it turns out that it's very difficult to measure actual progress that way.)  All of this is to say, please donate for Sophie's academic future! Click here to donate: http://www.covchurchgiving.com/p-446-missionary-heather-askew.aspx

Well, it appears that our adoption train has reached its end. Only instead of a station, the end was a long drop off a bridge that had been blown up. OK, maybe not THAT dramatic, but it certainly felt like it on Monday.

Let me go back a bit. We were super excited after the court decision in December and then, on January 10, I picked up the official court order from our lawyer! This specifically gave me permission from the court to adopt Sophie. The judge told me this paper would let me get her citizenship, get her a passport, get her a visa to the US, as well as adopt her legally in Thailand. I was a bit skeptical, so I went with one of our interns, Nuey, to the city hall where the passport office is located. They said “Oh, without a birth certificate, she can’t get a passport, BUT take this court order to Bangkok and when the adoption is finalized, they will give you this paper (pulling it  out of a stack of stuff) and then you take that to the country where she is registered (Mae Fah Luang) and then bring it back here and she gets a passport.” Whew, a lot of work, but this was the first time it seemed like we were not blazing an unknown trail. There was a system in place to get her a passport.

Next, I went to the child protection office with the court order and they said, “Well, here we only do home studies. Take this to Bangkok with all her documents and then come back to see us and we will start your home studies.” So, armed with the confidence of not one, not two, but THREE government offices saying this court order would let me adopt her, I headed to Bangkok for a three day meeting of all the ECC missionaries in Thailand and a neighboring country. We had a great weekend of fellowship and discussion time and I came away with a lot of good ideas for how to strengthen our Taw Saeng team. However, hanging over my head was this knowledge that on Monday, I was going to take the final step toward completing the adoption. Even though I had so many people praying and felt like I was going in the right direction and doing what I have been praying about and preparing for for a year and a half, there was still a small part of me with reservations about how smoothly it would really go. Turns out, it should have been a much bigger part of me.

I had made an appointment with the US Embassy for 8am, the earliest appointment I could get, thinking that if it took a while, I would still have time to get to the adoption center and hop a bus back to Chaing Mai that evening.  After dressing up, putting on heels and taking a taxi, a skytrain and another taxi, I arrived at the embassy 10 minutes early and signed in. I got inside to the security, and they stopped me, saying the people for adoption paperwork weren’t there til 8:30. So, out I went to wait for them to arrive. Had a nice chat with a girl from Nigeria waiting for her visa to study in the US. Finally, they arrived, and I went through security. I went to the section I had an appointment, only to have them tell me that I was in the wrong section and needed to be in the consular visa section. Luckily, I was able to explain the mixup in Thai to the lady at the desk and she let me cut the line and speak right to a person in the consular section. Here is where I should have started lying.

I went up and showed her the form I needed to get from them, which basically guarantees citizenship to an adopted child upon entering the US. She started asking questions about me adopting alone and I panicked, pulling out the court order. I should have stayed calm and just answered the questions, but no, I freaked out. She read the court order and was like “Oh, you already know the kid. But this says she is 17. You can’t adopt a child over the age of 16 in the US.” I knew this already, but the US State Dept said it was possible, just difficult, when I spoke with them in July. Apparently, that info did not get disseminated worldwide. She said ‘What? AND she doesn’t have citizenship. Wow, this child has a lot of issues. Why did you pick her?” I was like, “I didn’t pick her, she was given to me.” She had me sit down while she went to take all our documents to her boss.

I sat there for about 20 minutes, praying my heart out, just like when we went to Mae Fah Luang to get her birth certificate, and just like then, it didn’t work. I heard my name called and the guy at the window said “Nope. Can’t give you this form. The Thai adoption has to be completely finalized by the time she is 16 to get citizenship via adoption. However, if you complete the adoption in Thailand, she would be eligible for a student visa or a 10 year multiple entry visa. Sorry.”

So, had I not mentioned Sophie’s age or given her the court document and just let them assume that I was adopting some random kid, they would have given me the form and by the time they figured it out, the adoption would have been done and it wouldn’t matter. But, no, my panic-honesty has to ruin everything.

So, crushed and disappointed and rapidly feeling like this was going to all end in disaster rather than triumph, I struggled out the door to the street. Oh, did I mention that I was dragging a small roller backpack stuffed with every document we have in the world and a rolling carryon stuffed with 5 days of clothing? Yeah, awkward to say the least.

As I was about to have a complete and total emotional breakdown on the sidewalk of the US Embassy in the middle of Bangkok, I heard my name called. I turned around and there was a girl I had not seen since I was 20 years old and she was 16 (that was 13 years ago, for those of you keeping track.) I barely recognized her, but it was Linnea, the daughter of some college friends of my parents. I knew she was teaching in Thailand, but she was in Chonburi, in the South, and I am way up north, so we just figured we’d run into each other when one of us traveled to the other end of the country for vacation. But, no, here at the US Embassy is where we meet. She was there with her boyfriend to get his visa so he could come with her to visit her parents in the States. We chatted for about half an hour and I told her an abbreviated version of the story and we caught up about her life too. Finally, I was recovered enough to head for the Adoption Center and hope for the best.

This time, I discarded all attempts at professionalism and swapped heels for crocs so I could just walk the half mile back to the skytrain station. This time I took a train and then a taxi to the adoption center. So far, every Thai person I meet has been pleasantly surprised by my ability to speak Thai and been very complimentary. I guess even in Bangkok, a foreigner able to master the language is a rarity.

I got to the adoption center, almost broke my ankle when my heel (yeah, I changed back in the taxi) fell between the slats in a grate, but made it inside. The building was pretty quiet, which I thought was a good sign. I figured I wouldn’t have to wait long. I got to the intake room, and the lady was talking with a couple from Australia. She talked to me in English, but I responded in Thai, cause I figured it might get me further. Usually it does. Example: once I started speaking Thai when ordering at restaurants, I started getting the discount price, instead of the menu price. I guess food and adoption are not really in the same league, but whatever.

I explained the situation to her and asked if there was any way we could just file for Thai adoption and overlook the fact that I didn’t have the document from the US. She took my whole packet and was gone for about 10 minutes. I called my friend Carmen who has been a HUGE monumental help in the process and has finished their adoption already. She prayed for me and was saying that I should still be able to do the Thai adoption regardless of the US side when the lady returned. She said the social worker wouldn’t take the file because I didn’t have that document. I was like “OK, but I have a court order from the Thai court saying I CAN adopt her here.” She said the social worker told her the guarantee of US citizenship was more important than the court order from Thailand. How weird is that? I didn’t even get to talk to a social worker. She said to try to get the government office in Mae Fah Luang to change Sophie’s birthdate to reflect that she was born in 97 not 95 so I could get the form from the US and then file, but we already tried that and they wouldn’t do it because her parents are already dead, so there is no one to guarantee that the year is wrong.

After all this, I called Carmen back and talked to her about the situation. She thought they really could do it, but looked at the paperwork, the fact that Sophie has no citizenship in Thailand and that I was adopting on my own, and just figured it wasn’t worth the hassle so they just sent me away. If I lived in Bangkok, I would come in every day for as long as it took until they let me file, but I live 10 hours away by car, so that is not a viable option.

Devastated and heartbroken, I decided to walk back to the skytrain so I wouldn’t fall apart in a cab. That was a not great idea. I walked for about a mile before realizing I really had no idea where I was. I finally just grabbed a cab to get to the nearest station. I took the skytrain to the end of the line, took yet another cab to the tour bus station, and was there just in time to get a ticket on the 2:30 bus. I was worried I would be stuck in Bangkok for hours waiting to get a night bus home, but I got lucky. Even luckier, I got the front seat! I usually end up crammed in the back, but I had lots of leg room and a window to boot. Looking back on the whole day, I can see that God did have a hand in it, despite the feeling of abandonment I had in the moment.

I had loaded up my ipad with tv shows from the US that I had been saving up to watch on the way back from Bangkok, so I just drowned myself in escapist tv. One show that I have not missed an episode of in all five seasons is Parenthood. This season it has paralleled my life in a way that feels like I am being spied on for material. One of the storylines is about a family that adopts an older child and the problems and joys that come with that. Just last week, they had decided to finalize the adoption in court, and I was just preparing to finalize the adoption in Bangkok. So, I had the season finale on my ipad and delayed watching it, knowing how it would end, and not knowing if I could handle it. Eventually, at about 11pm, I had run out of other tv and didn’t feel like sleeping, so I caved and put it on. Sure enough, the season ends with the whole family, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, all coming to the court date to witness the adoption and celebrate together, and I just thought, “we will never have that,” and it broke my heart even more. I arrived in Chiang Mai at 1am and felt so hollowed out and raw that I could barely talk to Ahna and couldn’t even cry about the terrible day I had had.

The rest of the week, people kept trying to comfort and reassure me and sometimes it would make me choke on my sobs, but mostly I just felt unable to feel anything about it, and just kept playing with the kids, laughing and joking around like things are normal.

When I got to Thailand, I could never understand how these kids who have these tough lives and have traumatic things happen to them could come every day and play and laugh and joke like any kid from a middle class home in the US. Now I understand. When your life is one disappointment and trauma after another, it becomes your normal and you have to continue to laugh and find the joy in life, or the anguish will just drown you, like Artax in the Swamps of Sadness (Neverending Story).  

So, when I focus on that, on the fact that Sophie is still here at all, when she could have died from TB a year ago, or fallen over the waterfall in Pai, or been abducted by that creepy guy at New Years, then I take joy in the everyday things.

The day after I got back from Bangkok, I got an email from a lawyer contact in Bangkok who is an expert on citizenship in Thailand. She sent me a book about how to go about getting citizenship for people like Sophie and she is going to write up a legal opinion about Sophie and is confident that we can get her Thai citizenship. So, I guess that’s the rainbow after the storm. The goal was never to get her US citizenship, but to get her to be recognized as a human with rights by a government somewhere. If we can achieve her citizenship here, we can get her a passport and still get her a US visa so she can travel there and maybe study there, if she still wants to. I am not giving up on the Thai adoption either, because selfishly I still want a piece of paper saying we are a family. Tomorrow, I will be meeting with a lawyer in Chiang Mai, a friend of Nuey’s, who will look over our documents and help us continue in that direction. God has definitely provided quite a few contacts lately for help with legal matters and they are all graciously donating their time, which is beyond amazing.

Another development is that I decided on a school for Sophie to attend. She has been wanted to go to Christian school for a while now, and there is a fantastic school very near our house that several of her friends from grade school attend. I went to meet with them today, and they still have openings for 9^th grade, so they are ready to take her once I give a deposit next week. They have a great bilingual program, which is better than International School, because every class has both a Thai teacher and a foreign teacher, so the students learn Thai and English simultaneously for every subject. If we DO end up coming to the US for her last couple years of high school, this will give her a huge advantage and probably enable her to skip ESL classes altogether. Also, they don’t hit the kids! And they are very academically focused on the students, rather than on making the teachers look good.

Mini-update

Wow, so much has happened lately. This has been a month of exciting ups and heartwrenching downs. I wish I had more time to update today, but this is a reminder to myself to fill you in on my trip to Bangkok, our move to the new building and all the plans we have for the new year IN the new building.
You may notice that my fundraising chart is at a lower percentage than last month. No, people did not ask for a refund. :) However, after Sophie was lashed at school for the third time this year (10 lashes with a wooden stick given to all in her class for 3 kids being late, none of which was Sophie), and with the abysmal way the Thai school system grades (they purposely fail 98% of the students at mid-terms and then pass everyone with a B or higher for finals so it looks like the kids all improved massively), I decided she needs to be in a private school. It will still be on the Thai school calendar and with a Thai student majority, but they have an English track so she can be improving her language acquisition, and they have much higher standards for all their subjects and teachers. It's not international school, so it's not crazy expensive in the grand scheme of things, but more than we could afford on our limited budget, so from January on, I will be getting the "teenager stipend" as they call it. That requires a bit more fundraising, so if you would like to contribute to help Sophie achieve academic success and have a brighter future, you can donate here:
http://www.covchurchgiving.com/p-446-missionary-heather-askew.aspx

Loneliness

I am discovering loneliness. I think loneliness feels different in a foreign country. The loneliness of a parent is not the same loneliness of a single person. If I am honest, I think when I was single and kid-less, I only ever experienced loneliness when surrounded by people, never when alone. I have always been content to be on my own, glad for the chance to read uninterrupted for hours or watch movies or swim or do any number of things I cannot do with a person or groups of people. My mother says that when I was an infant, she could strap me in the bouncy seat in front of the picture window and clean the entire house without hearing a peep from me. I wasn’t asleep, just endlessly fasinted by the goings on outside our house, or amusing myself with my own made up stories, I guess. What stories a 6-month-old tells herself while waiting for the vacuuming to cease I will leave to conjecture. Also, cleaning the whole house while the baby is strapped in a bouncy seat in another room: neglect, or efficient parenting providing the opportunity to develop a sense of imagination? Discuss.

I think loneliness for single parents the world over must be hard, but for single adoptive parents even more so. At least if you are a single parent due to divorce, if you have a serious problem with your kid, you can generally call up the ex and discuss how you should handle it: discipline, a good talking to, whatever. As a single adoptive parent in a foreign country, I find myself lonely for the companionship of having someone to be a sounding board for these things. Maybe that isn’t loneliness; maybe it’s missing something that never existed. But, I think, if I were in the US, there are many people I could call up at a moment’s notice to get sound advice about these things. Here, I have skype and acquaintances to ask, but it’s not the same. Maybe that’s not loneliness either, maybe it’s missing something I once had.

Sophie goes to camp tomorrow for 3 days, and I find myself feeling her absence already. Three days of alone time could be a gift, but I am not sure if I should feel obligated to fill up the empty time by being social and spending time with people I rarely see, now that I’m a parent and working full-time, or if I am allowed to just sit home and chill out without feeling guilty about NOT feeling guilty. The times in which I have long stretches of alone time, I find are the loneliest of all, recently.  My days here are so full of Taw Saeng, Sophie and the million things to do around the house, I don’t have time to miss anything, only time to enjoy my life here. But when I take the time and let myself think, I find I miss people profoundly.

There are not many things I can say I miss about the US: the smell of the magnolias in the summer evenings driving over the Sepulveda Pass, the scent of the woods in Washington State, the sight of Los Angeles and all its neighborhoods decorated for Christmas, the view of the city at night from the top of Mulholland. But I CAN say that I miss people. It’s painful to be away from people and not have the freedom to just hang out or call them up to check in anytime I feel like it, so I just avoid thinking about them, or emailing them or checking their Facebook status updates because it reminds me of the vast distance between us. I know, we live in a world of skype, Gmail chat, etc, but that is not the same as sitting in a room and having a conversation that can last hours and range from talking about Castle (that’s a TV show, btw) to where we want to be in 10 years. It’s that empty space where a tangible relationship once was that creates the loneliness I feel now. Because when I allow myself to think about the lives that people are living that I am now not a part of, the missing slams into me with a force like a cement fist to my chest. The intensity blindsides me with its unexpectedness and leaves me gasping.

Looking forward to 3 days with no parenting duties, I think about what I would do if I were faced with three days of free time in LA. I would call Wednesday to go see a movie at the AMC Burbank 16 and go movie hopping….I mean buy tickets to three movies in a day; then, go window shopping or ice skating. I would call up Rosa and geek out about Harry Potter and Les Mis and what books we are currently reading and how they are changing our worldviews. I would go over to Helen and Todd’s place and have dinner with their family, and braid Maya’s hair and talk about Ethan’s sports stats this season. I would go with Trina and Brady and Oliver to the beach and play in the sand. But, I can’t do any of that here because I am here and they are there and that is what it is. And so, I feel lonely. I have been reading Lauren Winner’s book Still: Notes on a Mid-Faith Crisis and she talks about loneliness as if it were a person. She says that loneliness “takes a letter opener from her bag and tells me she can kill me if she wants to.”  I don’t think my loneliness is quite that dramatic or direct, but it’s an interesting visual, no?

So, I will sit with my loneliness, and as Lauren Winner suggests, “see what it has for me.” Who knows what new insights may appear?

Taw Saeng News!!

Group photo: Orawun, P'Bua, Ahna, Ning, Matt, Angkhana, Seal, Larry, me, Chelsey

Infamous jumping picture

At the beginning of December, we went as a staff up to the Mae Saa waterfall and then to the very tip top of the mountain, where there is a Royal project of flowers and veggies growing. You can even camp up there. We tried to do a bunch of jumping pics as a group, and some were more successful jumpers than others. J It was a nice time to get to spend the day together and say goodbye to Matt and Chelsey before they headed back to the US. We ate a ton of food, and then hiked all the way to the very top of the waterfall before we went to the top of the mountain. This waterfall has 10 levels. Matt was adventurous enough to even go swimming. It was too cold for me this year, but last year on New Year’s Eve, we went swimming and jumped through a waterfall with my friend Jenny. At the top of the mountain, they have wooden go carts you can rent and drive down the hill at a terrifying speed. I did not try that, as I was so carsick by the time we hit the top of the mountain, that I could barely stand up. The fresh mountain air was invigorating though, and soon made me feel better, so I got to take a bunch of pictures and enjoy the beautiful surroundings. Next time, I would like to camp up there, I think it would be a lot of fun.

Me and my Thai teacher, Ning (not to be confused with Ning who has been helping with Sophie's citizenship)

Matt, Chelsey, me and Ahna

P'Bua and me

with Ahna

Beautiful day!

On December 15, a group of 10 of us went to see The Hobbit in 3-D. Fun bonding over Middle Earth. We all decided that the taxi service would be much improved in this city if they started using giant eagles that could be summoned by speaking with butterflies. Also, Ning wants to move to Rivendale.

We had a staff Christmas party on Dec 17 and ate some delicious Thai food and had a lottery for Christmas presents. I won a barbecue, which I was very excited about. I look forward to using it!

me with Nuey at our Christmas party

Dec 21, Ahna and I went with our friend Keith and Lauren to be Santa and his angels (?) to give out Christmas gifts to kids at the Starfish foundation where our friend Field works now. She was on staff at Taw Saeng for a long time, and now is a teacher at the country home for tribal kids. They have 5 homes around northern Thailand, so all the kids came to celebrate Christmas together. Here is a shot of us dressed up. Lauren had the idea to do the Charlie's Angels pose (I know, shocking, right? Usually, *I* am the one who thinks of it.)

Our big news for the new year is: WE ARE MOVING! I am so excited about this new development in our ministry and look forward to seeing what doors God opens for us in 2013 to help even more children. In our building now, we have one townhouse that is connected on both sides to other businesses. To put it mildly, they are less than happy with the level of noise the kids make on a daily basis. We currently are packed to the max with 32 kids, but in the new location, we will have enough space for 50 kids. Now we just need to get increased funding to hire the staff to go with that increase and some long term volunteers to commit to being with us for English teaching. We are very short staffed with only me and Ahna entering the new year.

This is totally a God thing. When we went to speak to the owner, she said that they built this building two years ago but have been unable to rent it. She normally tells people that the rent is 20,000 baht per side, but she told Orawun it was only 15,000 a side when she called, and didn’t know why she instinctively lowered the price. When she found out what we do, she was so excited. Her son works in San Diego, and has been telling her for over a year to rent to someone doing good in the community and not to worry about the profit. She is into horoscopes and the day we called to come see it, she had just read her horoscope and it was an auspicious day to rent their building. She and her husband have been very helpful and accommodating and are allowing us to start remodeling before we have even given them the full deposit!

Exciting benefits of the new location:

Two townhouses not connected to any other building. We are knocking out the wall in between the two sides to create one large room on the first floor and a large kitchen for P’Bua to work in.

There is much more storage space than in our current location

It is closer to all the kids’ houses but one

There are EIGHT bathrooms! (we currently have only 2)

It is naturally cooler so we can use the air conditioners at a lower setting and save a bit on electricity (we hope)

There is a huge parking lot across the street where kids can play soccer and run around after school. It is owned by the bank, which closes at 3:30, so when the kids come at 4, there will be no cars there.

We will have larger classrooms

The rent is lower for the larger space than our current rent

We will be able to continue operating and providing food, education and a safe place for kids to be through our child sponsorship program and individual donations. Sponsor a child for only $35 a month. Sign up online by clicking the link below, selecting monthly donor and picking "The Garden of Hope" in our drop down menu (that is still our legal operating name). Indicate in the notes that your support is for a child sponsorship and I will contact you with details about your sponsor child. You can also email me to tell me you have signed up to be a monthly donor and I will match you with a child.

Sponsor a child or donate to our building fund.