Notice the chart to your right. It's not your imagination, it's less than last month. No, people did not ask for refunds, but I have decided after dealing with the Thai public school system for a year and a half that Sophie needs to be in a private school to improve her English to a level where she can attend school in the US, should we be able to get her papers in time. Also, I am not a fan of the fact that they beat the kids (she and the rest of the class got ten lashes with a thick wooden stick last week because three boys in her class were late. This was the 3rd time that happened this year.). I also want her to be somewhere that they are more concerned with the students than with making teachers look good. (Public schools here fail 98% of the kids at mid-terms and then everyone gets Bs and As for final grades so it looks like the teachers got the kids to improve a ton. Shockingly, it turns out that it's very difficult to measure actual progress that way.) All of this is to say, please donate for Sophie's academic future! Click here to donate:
http://www.covchurchgiving.com/p-446-missionary-heather-askew.aspx
Well, it appears that our
adoption train has reached its end. Only instead of a station, the end was a
long drop off a bridge that had been blown up. OK, maybe not THAT dramatic, but
it certainly felt like it on Monday.
Let me go back a bit. We were
super excited after the court decision in December and then, on January 10, I
picked up the official court order from our lawyer! This specifically gave me
permission from the court to adopt Sophie. The judge told me this paper
would let me get her citizenship, get her a passport, get her a visa to the US,
as well as adopt her legally in Thailand. I was a bit skeptical, so I went with
one of our interns, Nuey, to the city hall where the passport office is
located. They said “Oh, without a birth certificate, she can’t get a passport,
BUT take this court order to Bangkok and when the adoption is finalized, they
will give you this paper (pulling it
out of a stack of stuff) and then you take that to the country where she
is registered (Mae Fah Luang) and then bring it back here and she gets a
passport.” Whew, a lot of work, but this was the first time it seemed like we
were not blazing an unknown trail. There was a system in place to get her a
passport.
Next, I went to the child
protection office with the court order and they said, “Well, here we only do
home studies. Take this to Bangkok with all her documents and then come back to
see us and we will start your home studies.” So, armed with the confidence of
not one, not two, but THREE government offices saying this court order would
let me adopt her, I headed to Bangkok for a three day meeting of all the ECC
missionaries in Thailand and a neighboring country. We had a great weekend of
fellowship and discussion time and I came away with a lot of good ideas for how
to strengthen our Taw Saeng team. However, hanging over my head was this
knowledge that on Monday, I was going to take the final step toward completing
the adoption. Even though I had so many people praying and felt like I was
going in the right direction and doing what I have been praying about and
preparing for for a year and a half, there was still a small part of me with
reservations about how smoothly it would really go. Turns out, it should have
been a much bigger part of me.
I had made an appointment with
the US Embassy for 8am, the earliest appointment I could get, thinking that if
it took a while, I would still have time to get to the adoption center and hop
a bus back to Chaing Mai that evening.
After dressing up, putting on heels and taking a taxi, a skytrain and
another taxi, I arrived at the embassy 10 minutes early and signed in. I got
inside to the security, and they stopped me, saying the people for adoption
paperwork weren’t there til 8:30. So, out I went to wait for them to arrive.
Had a nice chat with a girl from Nigeria waiting for her visa to study in the
US. Finally, they arrived, and I went through security. I went to the section I
had an appointment, only to have them tell me that I was in the wrong section
and needed to be in the consular visa section. Luckily, I was able to explain
the mixup in Thai to the lady at the desk and she let me cut the line and speak
right to a person in the consular section. Here is where I should have started
lying.
I went up and showed her the form
I needed to get from them, which basically guarantees citizenship to an adopted
child upon entering the US. She started asking questions about me adopting
alone and I panicked, pulling out the court order. I should have stayed calm
and just answered the questions, but no, I freaked out. She read the court
order and was like “Oh, you already know the kid. But this says she is 17. You
can’t adopt a child over the age of 16 in the US.” I knew this already, but the
US State Dept said it was possible, just difficult, when I spoke with them in
July. Apparently, that info did not get disseminated worldwide. She said ‘What?
AND she doesn’t have citizenship. Wow, this child has a lot of issues. Why did
you pick her?” I was like, “I didn’t pick her, she was given to me.” She had me
sit down while she went to take all our documents to her boss.
I sat there for about 20 minutes,
praying my heart out, just like when we went to Mae Fah Luang to get her birth
certificate, and just like then, it didn’t work. I heard my name called and the
guy at the window said “Nope. Can’t give you this form. The Thai adoption has
to be completely finalized by the time she is 16 to get citizenship via
adoption. However, if you complete the adoption in Thailand, she would be eligible
for a student visa or a 10 year multiple entry visa. Sorry.”
So, had I not mentioned Sophie’s
age or given her the court document and just let them assume that I was
adopting some random kid, they would have given me the form and by the time
they figured it out, the adoption would have been done and it wouldn’t matter.
But, no, my panic-honesty has to ruin everything.
So, crushed and disappointed and
rapidly feeling like this was going to all end in disaster rather than triumph,
I struggled out the door to the street. Oh, did I mention that I was dragging a
small roller backpack stuffed with every document we have in the world and a
rolling carryon stuffed with 5 days of clothing? Yeah, awkward to say the
least.
As I was about to have a complete
and total emotional breakdown on the sidewalk of the US Embassy in the middle
of Bangkok, I heard my name called. I turned around and there was a girl I had
not seen since I was 20 years old and she was 16 (that was 13 years ago, for
those of you keeping track.) I barely recognized her, but it was Linnea, the
daughter of some college friends of my parents. I knew she was teaching in
Thailand, but she was in Chonburi, in the South, and I am way up north, so we
just figured we’d run into each other when one of us traveled to the other end
of the country for vacation. But, no, here at the US Embassy is where we meet.
She was there with her boyfriend to get his visa so he could come with her to
visit her parents in the States. We chatted for about half an hour and I told
her an abbreviated version of the story and we caught up about her life too.
Finally, I was recovered enough to head for the Adoption Center and hope for
the best.
This time, I discarded all
attempts at professionalism and swapped heels for crocs so I could just walk
the half mile back to the skytrain station. This time I took a train and then a
taxi to the adoption center. So far, every Thai person I meet has been
pleasantly surprised by my ability to speak Thai and been very complimentary. I
guess even in Bangkok, a foreigner able to master the language is a rarity.
I got to the adoption center,
almost broke my ankle when my heel (yeah, I changed back in the taxi) fell
between the slats in a grate, but made it inside. The building was pretty quiet,
which I thought was a good sign. I figured I wouldn’t have to wait long. I got
to the intake room, and the lady was talking with a couple from Australia. She
talked to me in English, but I responded in Thai, cause I figured it might get
me further. Usually it does. Example: once I started speaking Thai when
ordering at restaurants, I started getting the discount price, instead of the
menu price. I guess food and adoption are not really in the same league, but
whatever.
I explained the situation to her
and asked if there was any way we could just file for Thai adoption and
overlook the fact that I didn’t have the document from the US. She took my
whole packet and was gone for about 10 minutes. I called my friend Carmen who
has been a HUGE monumental help in the process and has finished their adoption
already. She prayed for me and was saying that I should still be able to do the
Thai adoption regardless of the US side when the lady returned. She said the
social worker wouldn’t take the file because I didn’t have that document. I was
like “OK, but I have a court order from the Thai court saying I CAN adopt her
here.” She said the social worker told her the guarantee of US citizenship was
more important than the court order from Thailand. How weird is that? I didn’t
even get to talk to a social worker. She said to try to get the government
office in Mae Fah Luang to change Sophie’s birthdate to reflect that she was
born in 97 not 95 so I could get the form from the US and then file, but we
already tried that and they wouldn’t do it because her parents are already
dead, so there is no one to guarantee that the year is wrong.
After all this, I called Carmen
back and talked to her about the situation. She thought they really could do
it, but looked at the paperwork, the fact that Sophie has no citizenship in
Thailand and that I was adopting on my own, and just figured it wasn’t worth
the hassle so they just sent me away. If I lived in Bangkok, I would come in
every day for as long as it took until they let me file, but I live 10 hours
away by car, so that is not a viable option.
Devastated and heartbroken, I
decided to walk back to the skytrain so I wouldn’t fall apart in a cab. That
was a not great idea. I walked for about a mile before realizing I really had
no idea where I was. I finally just grabbed a cab to get to the nearest
station. I took the skytrain to the end of the line, took yet another cab to
the tour bus station, and was there just in time to get a ticket on the 2:30
bus. I was worried I would be stuck in Bangkok for hours waiting to get a night
bus home, but I got lucky. Even luckier, I got the front seat! I usually end up
crammed in the back, but I had lots of leg room and a window to boot. Looking
back on the whole day, I can see that God did have a hand in it, despite the
feeling of abandonment I had in the moment.
I had loaded up my ipad with tv
shows from the US that I had been saving up to watch on the way back from
Bangkok, so I just drowned myself in escapist tv. One show that I have not missed
an episode of in all five seasons is Parenthood. This season it has paralleled
my life in a way that feels like I am being spied on for material. One of the
storylines is about a family that adopts an older child and the problems and
joys that come with that. Just last week, they had decided to finalize the
adoption in court, and I was just preparing to finalize the adoption in
Bangkok. So, I had the season finale on my ipad and delayed watching it,
knowing how it would end, and not knowing if I could handle it. Eventually, at
about 11pm, I had run out of other tv and didn’t feel like sleeping, so I caved
and put it on. Sure enough, the season ends with the whole family, aunts,
uncles, cousins, grandparents, all coming to the court date to witness the adoption
and celebrate together, and I just thought, “we will never have that,” and it
broke my heart even more. I arrived in Chiang Mai at 1am and felt so hollowed
out and raw that I could barely talk to Ahna and couldn’t even cry about the
terrible day I had had.
The rest of the week, people kept
trying to comfort and reassure me and sometimes it would make me choke on my
sobs, but mostly I just felt unable to feel anything about it, and just kept
playing with the kids, laughing and joking around like things are normal.
When I got to Thailand, I could
never understand how these kids who have these tough lives and have traumatic
things happen to them could come every day and play and laugh and joke like any
kid from a middle class home in the US. Now I understand. When your life is one
disappointment and trauma after another, it becomes your normal and you have to
continue to laugh and find the joy in life, or the anguish will just drown you,
like Artax in the Swamps of Sadness (Neverending Story).
So, when I focus on that, on the
fact that Sophie is still here at all, when she could have died from TB a year
ago, or fallen over the waterfall in Pai, or been abducted by that creepy guy
at New Years, then I take joy in the everyday things.
The day after I got back from
Bangkok, I got an email from a lawyer contact in Bangkok who is an expert on
citizenship in Thailand. She sent me a book about how to go about getting
citizenship for people like Sophie and she is going to write up a legal opinion
about Sophie and is confident that we can get her Thai citizenship. So, I guess
that’s the rainbow after the storm. The goal was never to get her US
citizenship, but to get her to be recognized as a human with rights by a
government somewhere. If we can achieve her citizenship here, we can get her a
passport and still get her a US visa so she can travel there and maybe study
there, if she still wants to. I am not giving up on the Thai adoption either,
because selfishly I still want a piece of paper saying we are a family.
Tomorrow, I will be meeting with a lawyer in Chiang Mai, a friend of Nuey’s,
who will look over our documents and help us continue in that direction. God
has definitely provided quite a few contacts lately for help with legal matters
and they are all graciously donating their time, which is beyond amazing.
Another development is that I
decided on a school for Sophie to attend. She has been wanted to go to
Christian school for a while now, and there is a fantastic school very near our
house that several of her friends from grade school attend. I went to meet with
them today, and they still have openings for 9th grade, so they are
ready to take her once I give a deposit next week. They have a great bilingual
program, which is better than International School, because every class has
both a Thai teacher and a foreign teacher, so the students learn Thai and
English simultaneously for every subject. If we DO end up coming to the US for
her last couple years of high school, this will give her a huge advantage and
probably enable her to skip ESL classes altogether. Also, they don’t hit the
kids! And they are very academically focused on the students, rather than on making
the teachers look good.
