Chiang Rai, Poo Chi Fa and other Funny Names

So, I have written a little about the complications surrounding Sophie’s citizenship status, but this weekend was the most stressful part of it so far. Basically, because Sophie was born in the village at home, she has no official birth certificate. There is a village book where births are recorded, but apparently her families’ copy of it was lost years ago. In order to gain citizenship here as a hill tribe member, you have to apply for it through the government. For some reason, when her mom filled out the application, she put two names on the form for Sophie’s parents that were not really her parents. She also put that Sophie is two years older than she really is. Why, I have no idea, because it is really screwing with her life now. Even more complicated, her mom had one ID with her Akha name in Chiang Rai but then got a different ID with a Thai name in Mae Taeng. When she opened a bank account, it was with her Akha name, which is not officially recognized by the Thai government and she was admitted to the hospital with her Akha name, so now Sophie can’t access her families’ bank account either. It’s so, so complicated and hard to work all this out. They say it could take up to 10 years to get her Thai ID, which means that she will not be able to work a real job, have health insurance, own property, go to university as a citizen, or many other things.

So, Ning and I drove up to Chiang Rai, where Sophie’s mom’s village is to try to track down these people and get going on her Thai ID application process. We had a blast on the way there, jamming to my iPod with Thai music and Switchfoot (obviously). Ning kept saying how we were teenagers because of what we were listening to. So, we finally get to the province of Chiang Rai and Sophie sort of knows where we are going, but not really. In her defense, she hasn’t been there in nearly two years and has never driven there herself, she’s always gone with her mom. However, I had specifically told her to call the people in this village the day before to get very specific directions. So, what happened next was at LEAST 50% percent her fault.

We drive down this main highway looking and looking for the entrance to the village. We turn off the main road onto a dirt road. At first this is fine. I’m thinking it can’t be that far right? Wrong! SO wrong. We start driving down the dirt road and come to a fork. We sit there for about 10 minutes debating which way to go. The obvious answer is to call the people who live there, but wait! We have no cell service. Awesome. We decide to go right. Bad idea. The road gets more and more rocky and I’m driving super slowly over these rocks trying to avoid the numerous potholes and ditches and praying no one comes flying around a corner while I’m on the wrong side of the road. We are getting further and further from civilization and no people or houses in sight!

We finally come upon a guy on a tractor. He actually knows where this village is so he agrees to lead us there. We keep driving, the road getting ever more treacherous. Finally we come upon what can only be described as a pile of boulders. We are in a small SUV, but not a freaking bouldering Jeep for crying out loud! I was adamant that I was not going over this spot because it was too dangerous for the car. I was like “We leave it and walk” but Ning said that robbers would strip the car if we left it there, so we had to keep going. I wanted to turn around go back to the road, but it had already been an hour by this point, so finally I was so frustrated, I ordered Ning and Sophie out of the car to watch and tell me if the car was going to get the bottom ripped out by a boulder. I put it in 4-wheel drive and drove as slowly as possible over the rocks, but apparently not carefully enough because the exhaust pipe got cracked. (Too be honest, I’m not sure if this occurred at this point or later as we were climbing Poo Chi Fa in the fog on a road riddled with potholes.)

I was so stressed by this point from all the driving and not knowing where we were going, that Sophie got back in the car and was like “P’Heather, are you ok?” (in English). It made me laugh a bit and get a little less tense, but I was like “I don’t know. Is the car ruined?” Finally, we found the village and Sophie recognized the house we were going to. We met with the village elder (by we I mean Ning spoke for about an hour in Akha and I sat there trying to keep my stomach from growling.)

Finally, Ning looked at me and said, “We have to go to Mae Fah Luang. Now.” I was like, “Ok, let’s go.” By this point, it had been about 5 hours since we had eaten. I figured we’d get to MFL and eat some lunch. This plan was not to be. The village elder and another older woman joined us in the car, which required some rearranging, and we headed off. Yeah, so the way out was on a hard packed dirt road with very few potholes and very wide. This is the way we should have come in. It took about 15 minutes to get to the main road, rather than 90.

Now MFL is a province as well as a city, which I did not realize at the time. So, we exit for the city and get to the bottom of a large hill. We can either turn right or go straight. All the people in the car agree we need to go right. All the people in the car are wrong. So, we drive and drive, up and down windy roads. No, windy is putting it to mildly. They are basically Z curves stacked up so tight that I have to turn the wheel 100% to the left and then basically stop the car to turn the wheel all the way to the right to avoid smashing into the rocky mountain and stay on the road. These roads have no guardrails and in most places are about the width of a car. I am praying no one comes tearing around a corner going downhill. Luckily 95% of people in Thailand own motorbikes, not cars.

After driving for about 3 hours, Ning decides this is ridiculous and realizes that no one has a clue where we are or where we are going. We pull off the road at a village and ask the people for directions. “Oh, no,” they shake their heads. “You should not have turned right.” Three hours ago we should not have turned right. THREE HOURS! They decide that rather than describe where to go, they will just jump on a motorbike and lead us there. Thankfully, with someone who knows where they are going, this trip back down goes much faster. We finally get back to where we started and go up the other way, until the village people see the sign pointing to the village.

At this point, I am getting really irritated, hungry and tired, not to mention the stress of driving someone else’s car through these crazy mountain roads is giving me a massive backache. I am relieved that we finally are at the right turnoff, but another hour goes by before we get to the village and the further into the mountains we go, the narrower and more full of potholes the road gets. We stop at every village on the way this time, making sure we are going the right direction. We finally come to a building at the top of a hill and I’m like “This is it. I know this is it. I’m going up the hill.” But Ning says “No, that’s just a school, keep going.” I stop and I’m like “really? Really it’s just a school? Don’t schools need people? This is the village.” But of course, I know the least of anyone in the car, so I am outvoted. We keep driving another 20 minutes until we hit—wait for it—Burma! Yep, a dude with a machine gun and a gate you would see in a parking garage are just hanging out at the top of a mountain. The soldier probably hasn’t seen anyone in hours, and is a bit surprised to see a farang driving a bunch of Akha people around. We ask him for directions and shocker! I was right. I would like to say I refrained from saying I told you so, but at this point it had been 12 hours since I had eaten, so I totally said “I TOLD YOU SO!”

At this village, the guy we were supposed to be meeting was not there, he wasn’t coming home til about 8pm. It’s now 5pm so Ning and I wander around and meet some of the families who live there and play with the many litters of puppies running around. Sophie discovers that these people have a satellite, so she is happy just watching TV. Because she has to take medication at 5pm with food and we haven’t eaten since breakfast, I force her to eat all the fruit and chips and junk food in the car so she can take her meds. The wife of this village elder is so sweet and makes us dinner at about 7pm. Nothing better than Akha food, I’m telling you. Nothing. So good!! 

After dinner, the elder is still not back, so the entire village congregates around a fire and watches an amazing full lunar eclipse. Despite the many frustrations of the day, I gotta say, if I were almost anywhere else in the world at that moment, I would not have seen that, and it was pretty awesome. Because there are so few lights in the village and we are so far removed from any city the stars are incredibly bright and close and the moon is full so it’s so bright out. I keep hearing guns go off and it’s kinda freaking me out so I ask Ning about it. She tells me that in ancient times, when the moon would have this “problem” (I’m like well, it’s not a problem, it’s gravity, but ok) then they would all shoot guns to scare away the shadow from the moon so it could be free again. Kinda cool, right? Side note: They don’t put bullets in, just powder. That would be unsafe. 

Finally the guy comes back and Ning, the village elders from Sophie’s mom’s place, Sophie and myself sit there and go through all these documents and talk and talk and talk in Akha, so I’m completely lost. Finally, it’s over and we go to sleep. Oh yeah, did I mention it’s like 20 degrees F up here in the mountains? No? Oh, and Sophie and I are prepared for this by having flip flops, capris and t-shirts with a hoodie. Needless to say, I woke up with bronchitis. The fun continues. Strangely, Sophie, the one with the lungs ravaged by tuberculosis, has no ill effects from the cold whatsoever.

Our plan was to wake up early, like 7am and eat breakfast and go right away to get back to the other village and head out. The old people had different plans. I ended up sleeping for another hour in the car waiting for them to come back from finding the old people. Then we ate breakfast and waited some more for them to get some tea. So, only late by 3 and a half hours, we headed back to the Chiang Rai village.  

It only took 50 minutes to get back to the freeway. Then, we headed back to the village. Here is where communication broke down. For some reason, instead of turning into the village on the road we took out we took a “shortcut” that the elders “knew.” We start driving and driving and going up and down what is basically a goat path. Just dirt tracks where wheels have driven over, no road at all. I keep asking “Really? This is the way?” while elders bicker in the back over why they don’t know how to get to THEIR OWN HOME! Seriously? At one point, Ning is laughing, saying that first they blame each other, then Ning, and finally me for driving. I was so ticked, I was like “I will STOP this car and you can WALK yourself back to your village!! Are you KIDDING me?”  By the grace of God, I refrain from actually executing this threat because we come to a rise and see the main road below us. You’re safe for now old people, but watch out for next time. We drop them off and I’m like, ok, no time for chitchat. Let’s go. Ning is feeling the same way, so we say “Peace!” and drove off.

On the way up, Ning had talked about going to see Poo Chi Fa, a beautiful area of Thailand. “Since we are in Chiang Rai anyway,” she said. What does this statement lead you to believe? That Poo Chi Fa is close to the city of Chiang Rai, where we already were? Silly people. Of course it means that it’s another 4 hour drive to the very edge of Chiang Rai province and, incidentally, the edge of Thailand, overlooking Laos. (That’s a country, in case you are unfamiliar with Southeast Asia). Clearly I was just along for the ride, having no idea what exactly Poo Chi Fa was to begin with.

Yet more crazy windy roads, chock full of potholes and danger around every turn. We climb and climb and climb to the top of this mountain. It’s a holiday so when we finally get to the mini resort area it’s packed with people. It’s also freezing. Literally. It’s 0 degrees Celsius. Did I mention our packing preparation? We find a hotel, rent a room with a queen size bed, a door with huge drafts, and windows that are the slotted type, allowing all the cold air to blow right in, for the three of us for 500 baht (this is only about $18US but expensive for this type of setup in Thailand) and attempt to take a nap. We fail. For some reason, we have failed to notice that a huge loudspeaker was being set up in the parking lot/courtyard area of the hotel right outside our window. So, as soon as we start to fall asleep, the band starts up followed by announcements in Thai at 3000 decibels (or something like that).

We give up on sleep and go to buy some things to warm us up. Sophie gets a new hat and gloves while I get socks and a scarf to protect my throat in an attempt to deny the fact that I already have full blown bronchitis. Here’s a weird thing about Poo Chi Fa. Despite the fact that it gets incredibly cold in the winter, there are literally no restaurants that have walls. None. They are all open air. Imagine going to Utah for Sundance and having to eat outside all the time. You’d have to drink so much alcohol to keep warm! Come to think of it, that might be a great way to boost alcohol sales at Sundance (like they need it).

Anyway. So, we eat dinner all bundled up as much as we can and try not to spill our food with all our shivering. We find a place with hot cocoa, which I am excited about, and then head back to the room to take lukewarm showers, which arguably end with me colder than before I showered. I end up with the middle spot in the bed, which is fine by me since I’m freezing. My toes and fingers are white with cold by this point. Any extra body heat iss appreciated. All of us wear every piece of clothing we have with us to stave off the cold.

The next morning I finally understand what this whole crazy detour is about. We wake up at 4:30am. We pack up mostly and head to the main office where a bunch of other people are waiting already. I have no idea what is going on. “What are we doing?” I ask Ning. “They are taking us up the mountain.” Um, ok. We pile into a truck, Ning, Sophie and I scoring seats on the inside rather than in the bed of the truck. We drive up to the top of a hill and get out of the car. “Now what?” Ning replies, “Now we go up there,” gesturing into the blackness. My eyes finally adjust and I realize that there is even more mountain and that people are climbing it In the dark. They have flashlights for rent at the bottom, but why would I have brought money? I look at Sophie’s feet, clad in socks (day 3 or being worn) and her slip on sandals and look at my own crocs. We are not prepared to climb a mountain, but up we go. We keep losing Ning because we have to keep stopping so Sophie can catch her breath. The air is oxygen depleted up here and it doesn’t help that she is still fighting TB. We finally get to the top, or close enough. Let’s say we get to a point where I am fine not going any further. The moon finally breaks free of the clouds above and I realize what we are looking at. We are standing at the top of the world. In the moonlight, all around us we see peaks and valleys and oceans of thick clouds stretching into the distance. I try to take a bunch of pictures, but my camera is just not fancy enough to capture the view. 

It’s very exciting but very cold. Sophie and I are clinging to each other and Ning for warmth as we practically have convulsions from how cold we are. Finally, Sophie points behind me and screams for me to look. I turn around and there is the sun just peeking around the mountain. It gets lighter and lighter and the clouds are spectacular. We cannot stop taking pictures, but none can capture the splendor and beauty of what we are experiencing. Now I understand why we spent so much energy getting here. What an incredible experience to witness the beauty of God’s creation.

About 7am the novelty wears off and the cold and desire to return to warmth takes over. We head down the mountain, slipping and falling a few times, but luckily not off a cliff. At the bottom, Ning has money so we get some instant oatmeal type cups to warm up. At 7am, 1000 feet below where we had been standing it is 0 degrees Celsius. I estimate it must have been about 10 below where we were. That translates to about 20 degrees Fahrenheit.

We get back to the hotel, load up the car and take off back home. I have never been so excited to sleep in my bed in Chiang Mai. The bronchitis takes another week and a round of antibiotics to finally recover from, but the memories will live on. Despite all the stress, anxiety, frustration and downright anger I felt this weekend, I do not regret going because it was a great time of bonding for Sophie and me. I’m really glad I got to see where her mom came from and got to stay in a traditional Akha village and experience the kindness and generosity of the people there.